3 Reasons Star-Lord is the WORST MCU Superhero!

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By Tony Stark

In a shocking turn of events, the elusive crown for “Worst Marvel Superhero’ has coronated a new king. Yes, Captain Marvel may rest easy tonight because she is no longer the suckiest hero in the MCU. That delightful title now belongs to an unexpectant suitor, Mr. Peter Quill. A few days ago, Mr. Quill lived a happy, quiet fan-loved life until his very image got torn to pieces last Wednesday. From the various movie trailers, we gathered that King T’Challa would become the  swash-buckling, swindling Star-Lord. Yet, we had no idea that he’d make our MCU Star-Lord look so sucky. Let me give you three clear and indisputable reasons why Peter Quill’s Star-Lord is the worst MCU hero. 

1. T’Challa’s Heart is Made of Gold. Peter’s is a Lump of Coal. 

During episode two, we see the drastic difference between the two iterations of Star-Lord. When Peter Quill’s Star-Lord first took the big screen, not a soul in the universe knew his name. On the other multi-dimensional plane, T’Challa’s Star-Lord is the stuff of legends. The kind of notoriety that’s the subject of every conversation. His fame is not one of pirating or thievery but one of kindness, love, and leadership. Just by being a good soul, T’Challa transformed the universe into a better place. 

2. T’Challa Changed Notorious Villains to Merry Men. Peter Quill Pissed Them Off. 

Perhaps the greatest surprise of “What If’s…” episode two was the change of heart of the Mad Titan, Thanos. We find Thanos as a converted Titan whose life mission is to assist Star-Lord in bringing balance to the universe without killing half of it. That alone is evidence enough that T’Challa is winning the best Star-Lord award. Thanos isn’t the only one he’s changed. Nebula, Ravagers, and Yandu himself are all happier and pursuers of good in this alternate timeline. Chris Pratt’s claim to fame is punching a subdued Thanos. The result was half the universe ceases to exist for five years. Good one, mate. 

3. T’Challa Changed the Universe Without Powers. Peter Quill’s Powers Left Little to No Impact. 

What left me sitting in my seat stunned was how T’Challa accomplished all these feats with no powers. He transformed the Mad Titan himself with sound ideology and unwavering beliefs. This example is a great lesson to all of us that the heart of an individual can move mountains. Peter’s Star-Lord could create mountains, but he never tapped into it much at all. 

All in all, Peter Quill’s Star-Lord is in desperate need of a redemption tour. T’Challa just leapt from the top rope and K.O.d him badly. Now I still love my Chris Pratt (#AndyDwyerForLife), but he needs to step up in the next phases of Marvel.