There is exactly one thing funnier than a Taron Egerton jog, and it’s a Taron Egerton jog being treated like a public safety event. The first official photo from Everybody Wants To F*** Me has arrived, and it shows Egerton mid-run in a London park, tiny dog in tow, while every woman in the background visibly reconsiders her afternoon. Production has officially begun. The modern dating apocalypse now has a face, and it has excellent cardio.
If you’re new here: Everybody Wants To F*** Me is a comedy thriller set in the world of modern dating, described as a wild and subversive take on the genre. Written and directed by Jonathan Schey — the mind behind the series Ladhood — it’s his feature debut, and he’s swinging for a title you can’t even print without an asterisk. Respect the hustle. A name like that is either a marketing masterstroke or a nightmare for every cinema marquee in the country. Possibly both.
Joining Egerton is a cast worth stalking. Jessica Henwick, fresh from sharpening her claws in Silo and Glass Onion, is along for the ride, with Mia McKenna-Bruce, Charly Clive, and Herbert Nordrum rounding things out. The film comes from Studiocanal, LuckyChap, Film4, and Parkville Pictures, with Studiocanal planning theatrical releases across its territories — the U.K., France, Germany, Australia, and beyond. So yes, this is getting a proper big-screen rollout, asterisk and all.
Now, about that photo. Nobody has released plot specifics yet, but you don’t frame your lead as the only moving object in a park full of staring women unless the premise involves attention — wanted, unwanted, weaponized, monetized. Given the title and the “world of modern dating” setting, the safest guess is that Egerton’s character discovers being universally desired is less a fantasy than a hostage situation. The dog, meanwhile, will absolutely be the best performer in this film. This is not a prediction. It’s science.
For Egerton, the timing is perfect. The man has range, too — Rocketman, the Kingsman films, the crime drama Smoke, the gritty indie She Rides Shotgun — and he still has Apex — a survival thriller opposite Charlize Theron — loaded for Netflix. But Everybody Wants To F*** Me marks his return to straight comedy, his first since Carry On reminded everyone how funny he can be while sprinting. The man does his best work at a full gallop, apparently.
Consider the elevator pitch this film just handed every journalist alive. “What’s it about?” Modern dating. “What’s it called?” You can’t print it. Somewhere in a Studiocanal marketing office, a person is simultaneously getting a raise and a headache. And the dating angle writes its own material — swipe culture, desirability as currency, the gap between attention and affection. If Schey pulls this off, the provocation in the title might actually be earned.
The film is also headed to the Toronto International Film Festival this month for its world premiere, which means we’ll know very soon whether the movie lives up to a title that sounds like a dare. Fingers crossed. If Egerton can survive an entire park of admirers with just a small dog and his cardio, he can survive anything.
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